Mechanical difficulties
by fra22
Summary: When Brian had cancer, he found himself confronted to "mechanical difficulties" that left him very frustrated. He'll end up doing something he'd never have imagined doing; for a certain blond.


A/N: Timeframe: season 4 though A/U in my mind: I do not believe this scene would ever happen in canon QAF, so be warned.

Warning: NC-17. This depicts a sex scene that involves the use of a particular toy. Again, I do not see that happening in canon, but my mind was -for I don't know what f*** up reason- turned towards kink. It's soft kink though, but as I don't want to scar you for life, I rather warn in advance!

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** Mechanical difficulties**

When Brian had cancer he found himself confronted to "mechanical difficulties" that left him very frustrated. It was about him not being able to do what he used to do, love to do and not being able to get some pleasure. When you puke your guts out all day and night for weeks, you kinda yearn for some fun. So, yeah, it was about him. But it was also about Justin. Justin had cancer too. Not literally, but as he was taking care of Brian, arranged his schedule and presence around Brian radiation treatments, did not sleep either at night and did not get any pleasure from the man, it was as good as if he had cancer too. And that was inacceptable for the older man. So, for weeks, practically every time they were out together, Brian's main mission -after trying not to faint from the fatigue and resist vomiting on the floor- was to find a man that could satisfy his Sunshine, the way he couldn't at the moment. Anywhere they went: at a bar, in the street, in the supermarket, Brian designated to Justin men that had a great ass and an even greater package. He only showed him the men he had tested himself, so that he could be sure they were good in the sack and had at least an 8 inches cock. Of course Justin was fucking stubborn, stating he was not interested and shouting a lot of "Brian" through clenched teeth. Brian never gave up though. He also asked Justin every single chance he got, if Justin had had any, encouraging him to go out and have some fun, yelling at him that they were not "a fucking boring, predictable couple of dickless married fags" and that Justin should "just get the fuck out" as he was "fed up with seeing his face every day". The young man would just shoot him an angry and very determined glare and go back to his activities. Nothing could falter the blond and Brian hated it. Yes, Brian hated when Justin –or anyone really- didn't do what he wanted, hated having to ask Justin, because it meant he had to recognize they weren't having sex, but mostly he hated that they weren't having sex, that he couldn't do that to and for Justin. They didn't owe each other anything. Justin did not owe Brian to not get fucked because he was indisposed and Brian did not owe him to fuck him within an inch of his life every day. Only, he kinda did. They might not be married but at the present time Brian was dickless, useless and he hated it. He hated it so much he could scream for hours or even cry in frustration. He wouldn't though. He would just grunt and be in a shitty mood, usually taking it on Justin, and hide his head under a pillow. And Justin would just be there, not getting fucked.

They had a new infuriating routine: them _trying_ to have sex. They also failed. Brian never could get it up, only half hard for a couple of minutes. He got tired extremely fast. He could barely give Justin a blowjob without feeling nausea – not because of Justin's cock and smell or taste, but because of the food he just had or didn't have- and it seemed that Justin had little interest in receiving without being able to give in return. Rimming made them think of what usually followed, and it made them feel worse when they realized they couldn't go further. They felt like a couple of young inexperienced teenagers afraid of being interrupted by parents and not being able to do anything as a consequence.

Several times Brian had trying to encourage Justin in fulfilling his own need by himself, under Brian's watch and if possible with Brian's help. Somehow it was even more maddening for both of them. No doubt they both felt guilty, Brian for not being able to give more to his partner, and Justin for feeling pleasure when Brian couldn't.

No matter how they proceeded, their weak attempt always ended the same way. Justin would have half a dildo or fingers inside of him -his or Brian's- one of them stroking his dick but he would be tensed. Brian would whisper to him kind or naughty words, expecting him to let it go but Justin would have a mental block and his dick would end up flaccid, just like Brian's. The older man _hated _this solidarity thing going on and, a few times, ended up yelling at Justin for being a really stupid twat.

One time, when Justin told him it just wasn't the same, Brian asked him what the difference was, as they never had problems before when playing with toys. Something clicked when Justin told him that first, they would still always fuck after toy-night and second, a toy or a dildo would never replace Brian on top of him, his lips undulating, his warm breath and mouth on his neck. It would never replace feeling Brian's warmth all over his own body, would never be able to replace the slapping sound of skin and ass and hips meeting, of _feeling_ Brian's making love to him. A toy would not replace Brian's cock, would never feel like it, would never be as warm and throbbing. Justin's or Brian's hand twisting or a dildo sliding in and out would never remotely look like or feel like Brian's sensual rolling of hips, his chest would not rise and fall on Justin's, his breath would never be as ragged. Justin would not feel their warm stomachs trapping his cock and milking it with each movement. They would never feel as connecting and close with a toy. It was unnatural and it felt like what was supposed to appease him, only made him feel the distance between them even more.

At that moment Brian knew what he had to do; no matter how much he would despise it. For once, he would do what Justin deserved. So, one day, he came back with a new piece of equipment. He didn't tell anything to Justin. They just kissed and caressed each other and as Justin suspiciously watched him opening the drawer, Brian took it out. The blond was dumbstruck and before he could say anything to make him regret buying it the older man said:

"Look, we'll try it. If it doesn't work, fine. We'll never talk about it. Ever. But that's the only thing I could think of that would come the closest to me fucking you, warm body on top of you and all. You allow me to try it once and…"

"Okay" had say Justin.

They both felt like big idiots, Brian even more as he hurried to put the harness on. Once the strap-on dildo was safely and strongly attached –and it hadn't been easy as it wasn't really meant for someone who already has a dick, Brian allowed himself to look at his lover. He didn't know if he should be laughing or crying. He looked ridiculous. He felt ridiculous. At that moment, he didn't think he ever felt so powerless over his impotence. But Justin didn't laugh. He looked … shy; like a scared virgin all over again. Brian knew him well enough to know that Justin's heart was bursting with undying love or some shitty romantic bullshit like that, at the thought of Brian sacrificing his pride for him. Brian's heart felt like bursting alright too, but certainly not for the same reason. He didn't even know if they could manage it. Would this stupid thing feel worse than all the other things they already tried? Would it press against and hurt his already weaken penis?

Instead of thinking too much about it and chickening down, they just went for it. Brian covered Justin's smaller frame with his body and pressed the dildo on his hips.

"See how hard and hot I am for you, Justin"

He rubbed the fake cock on Justin's body and prayed that the younger man would just go along.

"I want you and I'm going to fuck you tonight. You want me to fuck tonight, don't you?"

Justin didn't verbally answer but just nod.

Brian did his very best to kiss, touch, suck, lick, pinch every single one of Justin's soft spots. He had to tease them and make his partner moan and whimper. When he succeeded he moved downwards and proceeded to suck Justin's erect cock, then to rim him. As Justin was writhing under him he inserted his fingers inside the warm cavity while kissing Justin. He wanted him to feel the closeness, the warmth that had being missing previously. He slid his fingers and pivoted them while twisting his tongue inside the blond's mouth and wreathed his hips on Justin's hip. When he felt that Justin was ready he lubed the fake shaft and repeated in his head "It's just a dildo. It's a regular dildo." But he didn't really need to pep talk himself into doing it after Justin whispered a desperate "Brian". It even made his cock twitched and, for a second, Brian dared hope that it meant he could… but it didn't. So Brian did like all of this was normal and grabbed Justin's legs and entered him.

He did exactly as he would have if it was him, really _him_, and waited till Justin adjusted. He looked at him in the eye, remembering that they went through worse shit than this and that Justin sure seemed to love him, and started to move. It was extremely weird and not practical at all. He couldn't prevent a smirk from plastering on his face for a second as he thought that _he_ was definitely better than any stupid dildo. It wouldn't allow him to do as he would normally do and he moved blindly as he could not _feel_ Justin as he usually did. For him, none of this was particularly enjoyable. It sure as fuck wasn't his dick been swallowed by Justin's ass at the moment; his, rested peacefully. He grunted in frustration. But right now it wasn't about him. It was about his beautiful partner who deserved to get fucked like any gay man. A partner who did not run away when things get difficult. A partner who chose to not get laid as long as Brian didn't. An unselfish partner who deserved an unselfish lover for once.

So Brian bent down and settled between Justin's thighs, loving how his lover immediately wrapped his legs around him. He kissed his neck, nuzzling the smooth flesh there for a second. He tried to do exactly as Justin explained him: the undulation of the hips, the body covering him, the slapping sounds of flesh meeting. It was awkward and still extremely unnatural, and Brian thought he finally got what Justin had explained to him. No dildo, no pretending could replace the real thing. 'Doing as' doesn't necessarily mean '_feeling_ as'. He stroked Justin's erect cock and, from time to time, used his hand to orient the fake dick into Justin's prostate.

"It feels different, doesn't it?" asked Brian.

They were not going to pretend it was the same, as they both felt it wasn't the_ real_ thing. Justin's nod was barely noticeable.

"That's because I'm fucking raw", murmured Brian in the blond's ear.

He was rewarded with a low and long moan. He would be lying if he said telling that out loud didn't make him miss a heartbeat. He even felt a twinge in his groin. If only he could be…

As Justin's pants became stronger and closer in time, it didn't really matter that Brian's movements were unnatural. They were more saccadic, less fluid and definitely less enjoyable but it didn't real matter because for the first time in weeks, both men felt connected again.

When after several strong tugs, Justin's dick erupted and cum splashed between them, it really felt worth it. Brian stayed inside, just like he would have normally. This time though, it didn't have to worry about become flabby –already was, thank you very much, although not so flabby it seemed! (Small victories are still victories)- and losing the condom. He could stay as long as Justin needed, as long as he wanted. And if Justin's hands pressuring on his ass were any indication, he as well wanted him to stay deep inside.

As soon as Justin's orgasm wore off, he started to shake and cry. It was a mix of frustration and relief; Brian knew that. They were both disappointed that Brian couldn't be a part of the orgasm process. But it didn't real matter as long as Justin got the opportunity to have some satisfaction. Brian kissed Justin's cheeks and eyes, memorizing the different reds coloring his face and the salty taste of Justin's tears.

"Better now?" he asked

Again, Justin could only nod.

The adman waited till his young lover calmed down and slowly eased out of him.

As soon as he was out, he frenziedly detached the strap-on, with some help of a certain artist, and threw it rapidly and forcefully on the other side of the room.

Justin laughed a bit and he chuckled back.

"We're never using that shit again." He stated as he lowered himself against the pillows.

"No" answered firmly Justin.

They closed the distance between their bodies and kissed tenderly for a long time.

Brian wasn't sure they'll ever be able to laugh about this particularly non glorious moment of his, but as he saw Justin's look, the one he tended to see more and more often, the one saying "I can't believe you did that", he didn't really care. No matter how he did it, as long as he kept his lover happy. A pathetic strap-on dildo was as good as any. Although there was no doubt that he would threw away the awful thing, first thing in the morning.

They'll never see it again.

They'll never need it again anyway.

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Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. Property of CowLip


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